Since I know this is not going to be read then I know that this is a rather safe place to post up whatever is going on through my head right now. And honestly I really don’t know what is going on in my head right now… all I know is that last week I was doing okay and then something snapped in it and I’ve been driven into the weird depression that is getting really annoying. Maybe there was something else that led up to it but the breaking point came when a co-worker “resigned” from our company and sort of left me holding this ERP rollout to deal with on my own. That coupled with someone else leaving after I went out of my way to bring her within the company… so, yeah. It’s been a hell of a week. I don’t know what will snap me out of it… I’m just going through the motions of faking being happy. Folks are asking what’s wrong and I’m lying to them. “Huh? Nothing… was just concentrating on something.”
As for co-worker #1, he’s not leaving now… but got some sort of negotiated deal. Meanwhile. I’ve been here for almost 10 years and I’ve not seen one fuckin’ change to my deal.
And co-worker #2 is posting up on elsewhere how awesome her new job is. Pretty much rubbing it in my face.
I’m done… turn off social media… ignore text messages… ignore phone calls… ignore emails.
So I’m about to unleash… I don’t give a fuck anymore who I might hurt or who might see this. I am done walking on eggshells and it is time to just say “fuck it all”
To those that I work with. Your life is just that… your life. It does not revolve around pork products and it sure as hell does not have to be lead in fear. If you are worried that someone else is going to do or say something that would cause you trouble even if you have done nothing wrong, why bother spending the energy and time trying to justify yourself when we all know that the outcome is going to be the same? He/She who tells their story first will always be “right”. Fuck that shit… and fuck the pork product.
For those that seem to think that I’m an ass pretty much 24/7. Guess what? It’s not going to change. I have been the same person for so long… over the past few years I eased up on everyone because I was approached to be nicer. I’m done doing that. I don’t care if you like me or not… if you don’t like me then get the fuck out. Simple as that. I am sick and tired of hearing the drama and when I toss in my two cents then I’m an asshole. Whatever. If you don’t want to hear it then keep quiet. I have been more than generous over the past several years… I have never asked for anything in return. Now I am done. Fend for yourselves… and keep me out of it.
And for everyone else… what can I say? I am going to remain the same person until the day I die. You either accept me as is… or you walk away. Either way, I have lost nothing. I can gain something but nothing would ever be lost.
There are people out there that are claiming to be behind the OWS movement and then are tripping over themselves to show support for the LEO’s… no offense to my FIL, but really getting a strong hatred for LEO’s whether they are “protecting & serving” at OWS locations or “protecting & serving” a mentally ill individual near a train station. And yes, this guy does deserve to get the harassed by the public. There are individuals who get harassed for their crimes, whether they are guilty or not (Casey Anthony anyone?) and yet we are supposed to be hands off with LEO’s? Fuck that noise… they are not immune to the public ridicule that the rest of us have to face on a daily basis and neither are our politicians.
Anonymous Message to Occupy Police – YouTube
I really need some R&R. What typically might be a relaxing weekend for some folks ended up being something other than relaxing for me. Why, you ask? I am the organizer for the local barcraft scene. The Anaheim BarCraft to be more exact in the name of the event. This past weekend the owner of Clancy’s Clubhouse was kind enough give us Right Field in which I set-up a laptop to stream in a gaming competition that was taking place across the country in Providence, RI. And this wasn’t just any competition… this was the grand finals where the winner took home $50,000. Not bad for a gamer ^_~
So what is this barcraft thing? What began as an idea at a sports bar in Seattle, WA earlier this year has now expanded to include some 180 different barcraft venues/communities around the world, about 150 of which held events over the past weekend. Estimates currently are that there were at least 10,000 folks who flocked to sports bars hosting these events. How I got into barcrafting was completely by accident in July when I got word that Noble Ale Works was going to hosting an event at the end of that month for MLG Anaheim. While it was great to watch, there was something not quite right with the venue… in particular that in the middle of the summer there is no a/c in the building since it is a brewery. Extremely hot… and the lack of circulation due to trying to keep the room as dark as possible made it kind of miserable to sit in there for too long. But a month later I was there again for MLG Raleigh and once again it was blazing hot outside which made the venue was too hot to deal with. So I got the hot idea of why not have one at some place that is nearby and that has a/c or heating if needed? So I approached the owner of Clancy’s Clubhouse with a proposal to host events at their venue. There was a little bit of resistance because the NFL season had just started and I was asking to take up half of their restaurant with a bunch of gamers, in the end she agreed to a trial event. If it proved to be good enough then I would be able to hold more events there. In the meantime, her a/v guy came in to do some work on the system that allowed my laptop to control several tv’s at once as well as pump in the audio commentary during the matches into that room.
Our first test run was set for the IPL 3 Finals which had a small turnout but was kind of expected given the short amount of time we had to actually pull something together. the next event a week or so later was only on Sunday and had a much better response from folks with about 35 folks in total showing up.
Damn it… I left the post and lost my train of thought. I might pick up on this later but then again I just might leave this as is… I have some gripes I want to air right about now… ^_^